Calling Ralph

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In Those Days, I often sailed the waters off shore in Socal. You know, waters like Malibu, Muslce Beach, and Pacific Palisades. And over the years, I learned celestral and dead reckoning navigation, the rules of the seas, off shore to about 80 miles or so. That was as far enough for me, because GPS systems were non-existent then. So, I preferred to not be far and tried to keep the mainland coast in view when ever I could. Somehow, I left my dream of sailing along the coast, south to the Panama Canal and into the Gulf Coast were set aside. Now, it has been 15 years since I was last on the ocean.

That all changed today. A Besty ( RW) invited me aboard his boat to fish off shore for Salmon and Crab, which I've been longing to do for the past few years. Now the boat I have, is very suitable for the river and lakes, but not for the ocean. At least not the Pacific Northwest ocean. This ocean, although bearing the same name, is not anything like the SoCal part.

So, bright and early I met RW, and his friend A (sorry, i didn't get personal with A this trip and his last name was never revealed). As soon as we cleared the jetty, I realized this was going to be much different experience for me. It was rough. Really rough to my standards.

We set some crab traps and A informed me that he gets sea sick nearly every trip, and he just considers it part of fishing. I guess I unintentionally gave him my infamous "eye roll," because he asked me not to laugh when it happened. I replied that I would never laugh at a sick person, but I did tell him I had only vomited twice that I could remember in my entire lifetime, and both were times that I overdosed on alcoholic beverages. And, I knew it could happen to me, I spoze.

I've always been proud of that, but really, there were times that I was so sick with flu, food poisoning and seeing crap during my career, that I wished I could vomit. It seems it would have made thing simpler.

So it was not long before A's admonition came true. And he kept it up for about 30 minutes or so. You know, "Calling Ralph." That's what we called it in Those Days. It was much politer than using words like barf, or puke. I will admit though that both RW and I grinned a little as A was hanging by his waist, over the side. He had it down to a science.

I know most of you that know me surely think that I am near perfect. You know, strong, handsome, smart, and generally a really cool dude. So much that many of you want to be me. And, that is a compliment in itself.

But I have to admit, you wouldn't like to be me today. Because I called "Ralph" twice. Can you believe it. So, now I'm up to 4 times in my life. I wonder, will this will continue to be the trend for me?

I hope not. I didn't enjoy that at all. Partly because I had to call Ralph long distance. I was screaming Ralph so that he could hear me even if her were on the beach 5 miles away. It hurt, and did not smell good. And having little experience just how to do it, part of it went on the top of the ice chest that we had planned to use for our catch. Unlike A's, at least mine was mostly coffee because I didn't have a muffin for breakfast at the bait shop just before we set out like he did.

Well, we didn't fare any better with a catch this time, but I wonder if I'll try it again should they ask. There are salmon in the river, as well as crabs, so I wonder what the advantage is to going in the ocean, other that to perfect calling Ralph?
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