Udda Duck

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In Those Days, I learned that the easiest and most efficient way to move a group of people to a specific destination together is to march. And, it was while I was in the Police Academy that I was taught to march.

Well, sort of. I understood the concept of marching, the commands, the steps, the turns, and the rest positions. Halt, forward, left face, right face, double step to the rear, side step, dress up, right flank, left flank, parade rest, eyes right, salute, present arms, and attention. I know them all. But the problem was that I did not always follow the instructions like everyone else.

And, that is because I'm different. I don't seem to march with the rest of the ducks. I am the Ugly Duck, Daffy Duck, Black Duck, Udda Duck (I just made that one up), Diver Duck, Coot, Loon, and all the rest of the imperfect ducks. I'm certainly not the Mallard, nor do I want to be.

You know, I was so bad at marching that the training staff issued me a rock, that I was ordered to carry every moment of my training. The 3-pounder, was smooth and oval, and fit nicely into my palm. It was painted blue and had yellow lettering stating, "Hold in left hand." It was to remind me which way was left. So on every run, with every push up, every time I went to lunch, or to dump, that rock was with me. And, it is still with me now. Well, not exactly in my left hand, but still kept somewhere in this house.

Eventually I caught on about marching and later in life I actually often commanded a platoon of club weilding cops and marched them right into battle. I was really pretty good.

But now, I'm back to being that Udda Duck. I no longer strive to be like the rest of you. I strive to make you more like me. And lead you to wisdom by spreading my wisdom to my world-wide audiences.

So, "Atten.....Hup." At ease now. Everything will be alright.
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