Reflections of Pride

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Well, the freeze siege broke last night. Five days of overnight lows not exceeding 20 degrees, and days not getting above freezing, have been replaced with near normal temperatures of 55/45. Yippee!

I noticed this morning that the water beneath the Thought Dock was still frozen, but something struck me different about the ice today. The ice, perhaps an inch thick, was crystal clear. So clear in fact, that I could see to the bottom of the Lake with almost no distortion.

And through a reflection, I thought I saw myself in the clouds. It was not me, but an image of my father. I always called him Pop. And for the first time, I truly realized he looked just like me. And although I left the Thought Dock to return to my work in the basement, I thought back to Those Days, and more about Pop. And I wondered whether I was more like him than just in appearance.

As a child, I didn't seem to have much of a relationship with Pop. Yeah, he worked, and he came home every night, and we had dinner together, and he would listen to the news before falling asleep on the couch. And there were a few times he would take me fishing or camping, or on a Sunday drive. He never seemed to be a happy kind of a guy, and I tended to stay out of his way as much as I could.

It seemed like he worked every day of his life, sometimes at several jobs to make ends meet. I can't think of anything he ever wanted, other than once telling me he would like to get a little boat someday (but he never did). I don't think he ever had a dream, at least he never shared it with me. He didn't seem to talk much. Seldom did I hear him laugh, unless he was drinking a beer with his buddies. And, he seldom complained. He just gave mom his paychecks without hesitation and never told her how to spend it. And when the check was short, he would just work longer hours at his second job to meet the future needs as best he could.

I never wanted to be like him. You see, I had dreams. I had plans to achieve my dreams. I wanted lots of things. I wanted more than Pop had. I wanted my children to have more than
Pop gave me. But like him, I wanted to do it on my own. No charity. No favors. Never asking for help. No welfare or unemployment. There was a pride at stake. And Pop was proud and he passed his pride to me.

Pop was the only one that stood by me when I announced that my girlfriend was pregnant. And contrary to what everyone else said, Pop told me that if I put my mind to it, I would be successful. It was then that I realized who Pop really was. So, at the ripe age of 17, I set out in pursuit of my dream with my family in trail.

I always worked, sometimes at a side job and sometimes extra hours at my real job. I've never stolen anything, or cheated anyone. I had more stuff than Pop had, my kids had more stuff than I had, and only through the grace of God's blessings, have I realized most every one of my dreams. And like Pop, I am proud. And, with the completion of this new home, so will my dreams conclude. I have accomplished I ever wanted and I need no more.

Now what? I'll rest when I can, strengthen my faith, help those that I can, give away some of what I have, and pass on what is left. Just like Pop. I guess I really am more like Pop than what I thought.
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