I am a Rock...... I am a Island....

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......... And a Rock Feels No Pain; and an Island Never Cries...

You know, back in the late 60's and into the 70's, there was a popular rock song with these lyrics. Perhaps you know it, but if not it was about someone who was hurt by loving someone else, and to prevent that from ever happening again, he isolated himself and prevented anyone from ever entering his domain ever again.

And during a recent visit with my sibling's, during a difficult time, it was brought out that this song was one of my favorites, long ago.

And it was. I perceived myself as that rock. And that I was strong. And that I could not cry. And that I never felt pain. And that I didn't need anyone.

And I apparently made that all very clear to those that were near me, including my brothers and sisters. And I never realized that was what they actually thought about me, but reflecting back on things, that was what I wanted. To make every one think I was that fortress who would never crumble.

As the years passed, those that loved me withdrew from me because of what they thought I was. And I let them go because I had an attitude that I could do it without them, and they were weak.

But what they did not know (and how could they?), was that I was not that rock, and I was not that Island, and I really didn't have a fortress. And they didn't know that I had compassion, and that I did love, and that I did cry, and that I was weak in many ways. And the didn't know that I had forgotten all about that song long ago.

For those that may not know me so well, my siblings gathered together this past week at the bedside of my oldest, but younger than me brother who just passed. For whatever reason, it had been a very long time since all of the siblings were together as a whole.

There were many hours that there was nothing much more that we could do except pray, try to get some rest, or to catch up family news and such, and reflect back on Those Days. Much of our conversation was deep and was focused on finding an answer as to why things happened they way they did between us, and to find a way to bridge the gap that had grown between us.

While I once believed I was that Rock (at least to some degree), I have since lost that attitude (to some degree). I realized during our gathering, that those that I had once convinced I was that Rock, still, because of our separation, believed it.

Aside from the reason that caused us to gather, it was an experience that I doubt will ever be forgotten. For me it was rewarding and I hope the others felt as such. But I know that it was a learning experience for each of us, no matter what the individual perception might be.

And as we parted, I think we did so with a new understanding of who we are. And for those siblings that will read this post, I apologize for crying in your presence, because most have never seen my tears ever before. But the tears you saw, were not from a Rock. Or from a man in his fortress built on that island. And the tears were not from pain or grief.

They were tears of joy, and for the blessings that I have received from the Lord. And I pass them on to all of you from Thought Dock.
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